Lonnie Hicks

Better Decision

He was so,
so annoyingly complicated
speaking in such atmospheric vagueness
unable to speak simply
and in plain language
wrapping himself in strange elocution
where meaning put itself into knots
drained of all context.
Some of my teachers
had this disease.
It was my one and only question
wanting to ask "why don't you speak
what issue are you trying to elucidate? "
But he could only
say obliquely
I speak this way
trying to navigate the waters
between what I really think
and what I know they will allow
on my tenure committee
want me to think;
and by the time I get tenure
I no longer can remember what I really think
or how I really feel.
Some times it is I speaking
sometimes it is a blend I create
in my mind
sometimes it is stray ideas which fly through
and aware of this
I become angry with myself
at what I have allowed
sputter mentally
waver and whisper
alternately sounding confident
alternately only in whispers.
I, student had to decide which future
I desired
and dropped out.
One of my better decisions.

Topic(s) of this poem: life

Poem Submitted: Tuesday, June 19, 2018

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