Blind & Dangerous - Poem by Jessica Jackson
First, words on a screen~
Voice on the phone~
Deameanor across a table~
Leading to a future so unknown.
Confronting the depth of my soul~
With passion in his eyes~
Taking it all in~
But approving what were lies.
I entered into a comfort zone~
Depending on his touches~
Yet feeling all alone.
His version of the truth~
Was a very sad seduction~
Appealing to the heart~
But a mind full of destruction.
Forgiving as I was~
Some say I was insecure~
Feeling what I thought was love~
I continued to endure.
Having hope from deep within~
And a mind dedicated to our future~
I planned a day of white~
And took another leap of torture.
Blind-sighted by the commotion~
And excitement our loved ones felt~
I continued to ignore the love~
That had now began to melt.
Committed to the surroundings~
I continued to press on~
Hoping for a miracle~
Yet feeling something was all wrong.
He finally proved those feelings true~
When I discovered another lie~
He deceived the two who loved him most~
And pushed us to the side.
Full of disappointment~
And a devastating broken heart~
I gathered my belongings~
And decided it was time to part.
Closed the door behind me~
Locked my heart up with the key~
Broke the news to my daughter~
That it would now just be her and me.
Things would be okay~
I whispered in her ear~
Don't you worry little one~
There is nothing left to fear.
I don't believe I meant~
A single word of what I said~
We were walking down a lonely path~
That I now led.
I was as terrified as anyone could be~
Not a clue of what the future held~
For my daughter or for me.
He took it all for granted~
He led us to believe~
We trusted his companionship~
And he made us feel relieved.
Relieved that there was hope for us~
A family with a dad~
A husband who would care for us~
And never make us sad.
He only made it worse on her~
When he built that relationship so strong~
Promises after promises that nothing would go wrong.
We trusted that he would make the changes he claimed he wanted
Leaving the past behind~
That he had always confronted.
One moment we had a family in our future~
But our hopes and dreams were shattered~
With nothing left to nurture.
Time went by slowly~
And as I was still very weak~
Lonely and depressed~
With a future that was bleak.
My mind only considered~
The happy memories~
My heart was too heavy~
As I fell to my knees.
I prayed to God~
For him to reappear~
And for him to rescue my emotions~
The Lord answered my request~
But once again I was fooled by his devotion.
Angry and bitter that I couldn't love him back~
He became desprite~
So he decided to attack.
I had witnessed his aggression~
Many, many times before~
But this time it was different~
This time it was more.
Terrified for my life~
Wondering what I was going to do~
He whispered in my ear~
But this time it wasn't, 'I love you'
Shocked by the aftermath~
I couldn't understand~
I tried to find the logic and reason with my man.
He wouldn't give me answers~
Only blamed it all on me~
Said for me to let it go~
For me to let it be.
I gave my family excuses~
As to why he was so mean~
I said it was all in the past~
And the good would one day again be seen.
A few weeks later~
My father passed away~
I let him leave this earth~
Seeing me that way.
This was the man who had never let me down~
Never told me lies~
And always picked me up off the ground.
His last words to me although were very few~
Were ones I longed to hear~
He whispered ….'I love you'.
It was at that very moment~
I began to understand~
Life didn't have to be so hard~
And I didn't need a man.
I could now move on~
I could now break free~
I could let him go~
And I could now just be me!
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