Mike Farren


Breaking Down - Poem by Mike Farren

I feel like that I am breaking down
I feel this way everywhere I go, and whenever I turn around
I have these moods that I just can't describe
Believe me, it get's scary at times
Everything I do just isn't enough
I just feel like breaking down and giving up
Don't know why I feel this way, I just do
I could be insane, or I could be just like you
I have mixed emotions about some things going on in my life
That's why I just have to sit down and write
Feeling this mixture of anger and freight
Mabie this will me me feel better about myself, for tonight
This keeps growing on me, and mabie later you will see
What is actually happening to me
Mabye I'l be back, and someday you will finally see, or mabye 1.2.3....


Comments about Breaking Down by Mike Farren

  • (7/11/2005 5:36:00 PM)


    In reading back through this, I found another 'just' in line five. You might want to delet that or replace it with a similar word. (Report) Reply

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  • (7/11/2005 5:32:00 PM)


    Okay, here's a breakdown of breakdown. I like the intent and the content. It has a prose poetry feel to it. Google that term if you are not familiar with it.

    I feel like that I am breaking down - take out the 'that' - it is not necessary
    I feel this way everywhere I go, and whenever I turn around - you don't really need the comma after 'go'. If you want the pause, you could just start the next line with 'and'.
    I have these moods that I just can't describe
    Believe me, it get's scary at times - no apostrophe needed in 'get's'
    Everything I do just isn't enough
    I just feel like breaking down and giving up - you might consider deleting the 'just' as you have used it in the line above.
    Don't know why I feel this way, I just do - again, 'just' is coming up too much. How about, after 'way, ' using 'but I do'?
    I could be insane, or I could be just like you - instead of 'just', you could use 'exactly' with the same effect. Comma may not be necessary after insane or you could start the 'or...' as another line.
    I have mixed emotions about some things going on in my life
    That's why I just have to sit down and write
    Feeling this mixture of anger and freight - I think you mean 'fright' instead of 'freight'.
    Mabie this will me me feel better about myself, for tonight - I think you mean 'Maybe this will make me...'.
    This keeps growing on me, and mabie later you will see - is comma necessary after me? Also, 'mabie' should be 'maybe'.
    What is actually happening to me
    Mabye I'l be back, and someday you will finally see, or mabye 1.2.3.... - 'Maybe' is coming up too much. You might replace it with 'Perhaps'. I would have 'you will finally see.' be the end of the poem. I don't see the 'or maybe 1 2 3' as being necessary. I hope I haven't over analyzed and a lot of this, other than the spelling and grammar suggestions, is subjective on my part. As Adriana said, clean it up a bit and you have a good piece of work. Jeff
    (Report) Reply

  • (7/11/2005 3:34:00 PM)


    ok well numerous things going on here: maybe you should break it up a bit, and reread it before pressing submit so you can catch any typos, repeated words, or misspellings. if you check these, it will be better. good! (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, July 9, 2005

Poem Edited: Saturday, July 9, 2005


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