Calling Home Poem by Evelyn Nec

Calling home,
I let the phone slip out of my fingers
as a trail of blood forms on the floor
from my paling arm
Mum is on the other side
calling my name frantically,
begging me to tell her where I am
'I will take away your pain
I will bring you home, ' she pleads.
I want to speak
but words die on my dry lips
I don't want her to see me like this
She taught me better
but that girl is so long gone
I lost the innocence
I lost the light
She will never be proud of what I've become
Even if she leads me through the storm
My soul has already sailed
with the ferocity of the waves
I will be an empty vessel
and a worthless life
I don't need.
The only antidote to my mental suffering
is physical pain
I'm calling home to ask of you
to lay my ashes among the thorns
I've not been divine in life
neither should I be in death.