Cancer: Disease Of Tribulation Poem by Eileen J. Hudson

“I don’t love you” the words dropp me to my knees
Throbbing fills my chest and I want the stinging to ease
I feel your relief you’re glad its not you
It’s a pain that you would never want to go through
My hair is in my hands and lying on the floor in piles
I hide my sunken eyes from the bright light and never-ending trials
I cry so hard until I can’t breathe I want to throw off this robe of despair
The things I love are disappearing and there’s not a person to care.


I feel afraid to close my eyes at night
Why does it have to be such a difficult fight?
Night and day I kneel at my bed and pray
But no matter what I can’t seem to find my way
I keep pleading I don’t want my heart to stop beating
The needles the pain the chemo the medication the hospital gown
Broken frustration surgeries dry heaves nothing will stay down
The doctors all lie I know that one day I am going to die.

Instead of a smile I feel an unexpected cry
I don’t want to say goodbye
I pull the covers to my chapped and faded lips
Death is creeping up behind me like a shadow or a solar eclipse
I feel myself trembling on the hospital bed
I just don’t want to be dead
I look into the mirror and don’t like what I see
I’m awful just to see! I feel terribly weak
My mouth opens but I can’t speak
The person I want to see most is not there only a white ghost.

The beep-beep of the monitors and oxygen pumping
I feel my heart scarcely thumping
Someone coughs in the distance the IV goes drip drip drip
The gentleness of the world is gone I am left like an abandoned ship
The cold is spinning about me like a cruel blizzard
Time has stopped and I see a handsome wizard
He takes my hand and together we walk into the light
The pain is gone, I can sing, dance, and laugh! I’m going to be alright.