Thursday, June 28, 2007

Carry On

Rating: 4.5
I have a dream,
of famous words and free birds,
Sitting under a tree and just being me.
Nobody faces identical hardships
and nobody has the same situation with the same people and
problems with the same personality.
Underneath everythings different, seeing the suface betrays sight,
It's a lie.
Below the placid sea a devoted entry struggling,
crushed in spirit.
The eyes cry dry tears of a lost cause,
The body moves on after the heart has been beaten,
But Why?
For Freedom, For Justice. I write to show,
so you can see, hear me now,
No single person is the same as another,
But no burden is heavy if everyone lifts.
Shannon Greenwald
Andy Greenwald 01 September 2011
I like when I see a phrasing of words that I've never seen before that still maintains the point. When I read, 'Below the placid sea a devoted entry struggling, ' I got goosebumps. 9/10
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Scarlett Treat 28 June 2007
The idea behind this poem is great, but I would try and eliminate some of the 'ands' that are in it.. I love that last line - (I would eliminate But) No burden is heavy if everyone lifts. That is wonderful...Scarlett
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