Kevin Carney

Rookie (New York)

Choice - Poem by Kevin Carney

I don’t scare easily…
You try to push me away.
You might break my heart…
I am not going away…
It’s all too familiar…
It’s the same scenario.
You’re not going to win in the end…
I just am not so sure.
What you really want in the end.
What does it all mean?
Whiskey or Rye?
It’s a choice like you…
Heaven or Hell which one is you?
Truth or the lies of the night?

Comments about Choice by Kevin Carney

  • Howard 'the motivational poet' Simon (1/30/2011 6:35:00 PM)

    Choice is the stuff of which life is made, yet sometimes they tie us up before we can be free. Well done my friend. (Report) Reply

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  • (8/8/2010 12:13:00 PM)


    Think of the poem as having three parts 1. The opening: the intro into the poem (title and first few lines or first stanza.2. the turning point: the shift in the poem that brings climax or an obstacle into the works. A new concept that ads conflict into the poem. and lastly closure that combines the opening and turning in the poem into a totally new concept. This will make you work a lot more forceful. I like your direct and succinct use of language. That's a positive in poetry. The poem:

    I don’t scare (; X)
    (don't) try to push me away(X)
    (to) break my heart.
    -=- stanza breaks create pacing & regrouping in the poem. The word 'might' is wishy-washy. Never be wishy-washy in a poem. Say it like it is! Don’t give the reader an out. Hang them on the nail of your intent.

    I am not going away…
    It’s all too familiar…
    It’s the same scenario.
    -=-=- The first line here is a fantastic line. It really shows determination. The next two get lost with what does 'it' refer too? A fight, an argument, the nagging, etc. This needs to be specific in nature. A real image creates feelings. So imagery is the device in poetry the sends the message. It brings home the bacon. Put a break here as well.

    You’re not going to win (in the end…)
    I just am not so sure.
    What you really want in the end.
    -=-=- (in the end, in the end) Always cut the redundancies out of the work. And if you do use reiteration make have a new meaning within the intent of the poem. Repetition can be very musical if used well. Which isn't the case here. I think you can cut the phrase in the first line, L7. In L8 you have lost me, I not sure at all what you are speaking about specifically by saying 'you are not sure'. You need to rewrite for stronger intent. It might be that you can find a better word than 'sure'. L3Cut the word 'really' out of your vocabulary. Most of the times it is use it is meaningless. It adds no real depth to the line. at all. 'what is it you want' is far stronger and to the point. It will maintain a reader's interest. Where the word 'really' create an indecisiveness in the reader. Again another break.

    What does it all mean?
    -=- another break here. I love the repetition here it really works with the intent of the feelings within the poem.

    Whiskey or Rye?
    (It’s a choice like you) -=- cut this line you are creating choices it doesn't need to be said. The poem is stronger without the explanations of itself.
    Truth or the lies (in) the night?
    Heaven or Hell which one (are) you?
    -=-=- because these 3 lines are highly equivocal with choices I suggest switching these last two lines around so that the question comes last. It empowers the questions of choices more by having a list that is consummated with the final question.

    What the pacing does is slow the fast poem down a bit into compact groups of thoughts that create both a rhythm and deeper understanding for the reader. It allows the reader to take in images and then move on in the flow of the poem. Like line breaks, stanza breaks create a pacing and a rhythm that is actually heard when the poem is read aloud. Experiment with the form if you don't like it. Try quatrains or even a random number of lines in the poems break up. I think that you will find that breaking the poem into stanza will allow it to breathe more when it is read aloud. Hope this helps you some.

    a poet friend
    RH Peat
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Poem Submitted: Friday, August 6, 2010

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