Could Have Beens Poem by robbin nyakundi enigma

Clouded thoughts…my dilapidated mind ponders on the could have been of my era…
The many times I had the chance to shine in your light but gave it away to muck and dirt…
The countless times I almost confessed but held my tongue so that no words were sired…
The voices in my head…
The counsel of my friends…
The reproach of my conscience…
The questions in my thoughts…
The echo of sanity …
Now that I am broken….
Now that the bride price has been paid and I am not the groom…
Now that in your eyes another mortal man occupies a place more profound than mine…
Now that I have perfected the art of smiling even in the deepest trenches of hurt and pain…
Now that my face has learned to speak a language foreign to my heart…
Why then will I not move on…
Why then does your silhouette torment me in my sleep and slumber with songs of love…
Why is it that in the theatre of my mind you are Juliet and I romeo…
Tell me why the memory of your laughter and the innocence of your giggle fill my heart with a toxic concuction of bitter sweet and sweet sour affection…
Why wunt your memory evapoarate from the sands of time that are my memory…
Why is it so hard for me to dismiss your effect on me when in the first place there was never a you and i….
Tears of the eyes may drip and dry….shouts and cries of the mouth may rent evening air and subside…but the tears of the heart do not dry….like the nile they wind and unwind even in the cold desert of oblivion….
The shouts and cries of the heart break the soul into fragments and ounces of what it once was…
I promised I would wait for you but all along I was too blind to see that it was you who were waiting for me….
For so long I swore that the time was not right to tell you of my quest on your heart when all along there never was a better time than then….