Crossed With God - Poem by Mduduzi OneMind
Years have passed and still passing me
Years of tears, struggles, starvation, failures and troubles.
You remain quiet in your highest places.
No matter how much I weep in agony, you remain silent with no remorse.
Where are you when I'm in so much pain?
I've been sick in my flesh
I've been sick in my soul, heartbroken by family and friends
They laughing at my suffering, friends are running away
They don't seek to be in my presence anymore.
I've become a story of their musement.
I cry lonely in my cage
In my miserable I seek to find you. But you nowhere to be found.
I looked for you in churches, in prayers, in the bible even in zen buddhism sufism
You remain away from me
I give myself up to sin since you won't bother with me
Its hopeless trying to seek while you don't want to be found by me
Are my sins greater than those of others?
Is that why you have nothing to do with me?
Do you enjoy watching me suffer?
I try to make a good way of living but everything I try seem to be unsuccessful
Why don't you intervene and help me
Praying and praying and still no answer?
Do you know how it feels like to watch my mother working hard for me?
You even took my father before I could say a word.
Am I cursed or I'm just nothing to you?
Everyone I grew up with is enjoyinh life?
Should I find happiness in robbing and stealing from your people since you won't help me when I need you?
I know you up there watching me saying all of this foolish words.
But please if I'm really one of your children.
Help me so I can know what it means to be protected by your wing.
You have always been with your people, you never deserted them even though they've wronged you for many times.
I'm conscious of your strength and constant love. I don't deny your existence and your perfect son
I kneel to you hoping you'd reach out to me
But you quiet still, no matter how I pray or weep. You remain quiet as I watch my mother sweat cause I can't offer to make her proud. The faith I have is slowly fading.
The hope that pastors give is becoming silent sounds of meaningless words.
For in my life I don't witness the things they talking about.
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