Crucible Of High School Poem by Morgan Lyons

As the sun slowly set

On my days of youth,

And growing older menaced

Like a monster in the closet,

I realized the uncertainty

Of my certain future.



Throughout my life

I had always been

Caged, ignorant, naive, oblivious



But protected.



My thoughts were consumed

With three things:

Father,

Son,

Holy Spirit.



I clung to them

As the only truth

I was certain of

And began my sojourn

Into the heart of temptation.



And I was drawn to it,

Like a deer to a salt lick,

And I was obsessed with it,

Like a worker bee to its queen,

And I was afraid of it,

Like a dog in a thunderstorm, .

But I was a slave to it.

And I was hungry for it.



I was the new blood

Of the school,

With the blood of Christ

Hanging around my neck

In the form of a chain.



My fire for God

Ultimately burned me

As I realized it was me

And me alone

That shared my beliefs.



But that was okay,

Even though it wasn’t.



I had always known

From a very young age

That I was

In fact

In love

With the written word.

In love

With the English language.

But it wasn’t until

Room C-2

That my burning love

Was stoked

And the flames licked my soul,

Branding in me a desire.



A desire to reinvent

Words.



Breitzman told it

How it was.



His language,

Though often colorful,

Was truth

Through the lies.

Was light,

Through the darkness.



If anyone got it,

It was him.

Whatever “it” is,

I’m not entirely sure,

But he had figured it out.

And I knew.



Spanish tormented me.

I had no desire to learn it

Because I was obsessed

With English.

And English only.



And my love for it,

Grew day by day,

In a way,

I couldn’t quite

Fathom.



As nature shed summer

Like a snake sheds its skin,

The trees put on

A new coat of colors.

I quickly realized,

I was still alone,

But not lonely.



Friends took to my left

And my right

As God once had.

Two to be exact

Welcomed me

As their own.



A gorgeous girl,

Enslaved to beauty,

Innocence still intact

And an exotic girl,

Equal in beauty,

But hid it away.



I strived to make the grades

But fell short,

I strived to please my parents,

But wouldn’t resort

To living life

Like a mindless

Zombie.





I was straddling

Two lives.

One where rebellion

Was okay

One where God

Was the only way.

And I hated it,

And I was confused.

Who was I?

What had I become?



Questions I couldn’t answer

Vexed me

And tested me.


The summer brought

A new season,

And I lent out my heart

Like it belonged

In a library

Until all it was

Was a shell

Carrying nothing

But dust and sand


And then the shell broke

Beneath the weight

But fate brought me

A yo yo boy.

And he helped

Pick up the pieces

And filled the creases

With promises

Which sounded beautiful

But even the devil

Sang for God himself.


I toyed

With my yo yo boy

And the string strangled me.


So I cut it.


Now we’re both broken.


I like to pretend

Like I have it

All together.

Like I don’t trust easily

But God,

I can

Write a book

About a boy

Who can’t

Write a page about me


But it forced me

To grow up

And focus on

What was important

Like my future

Which lurked

Behind shadows,

Approaching rapidly.


Why wasn’t I prepared?



Because

Life doesn’t wait for preparation.

You don’t know

To use an umbrella

Till you’ve experienced

The rain.



And the acid rain fell

Eroding my protection.

It hit me where it hurt

But made me stronger too.



I began experiencing

An all new fire,

But this one didn’t

Feel like a fire at all,

But a sort of peace.

The kind of peace

That breaks us

In pieces.



And my foundation

Though shaken,

Stood firm.

And I knew

Who I was.



The fire still burned,

It’s still burning,

But that’s what happens

In a crucible.

And I’ll come out
Gold.