Daddy Issues Poem by Quênia Lalita

you were only the fourth man
I wanted to call 'daddy'.
the story goes like this:

my original father left my mother
after begging her to get rid of me
when I was still in her belly
and I never heard from him again.

my second father, I met a bit later
when I was a troublemaker, a wild child
just like in The Jungle Book
I was Mowgli, he was my Rama.

my third father, I wasn't supposed to love
not in a fatherly way, but I wanted him to stay
- I loved him like I love the trees, the clouds, the waves
until he left me hanging for seven years, without a trace

finally, I ran into you - so charming, so smooth,
so sweet, I didn't even know what to do with myself;
but I scared you with my recklessness and my illnesses
as you scared me with every possibility you gave me:
to destroy what was left of my brain cells
to enjoy dangerous places where I could become Queen of Hell
to moan and whisper in your ear 'I'm your little girl,
love me until you can't breathe properly,
love me over the white mountains,
love me in the echoey gutter,
love me as if your arm is a meat grinder'
and, well, I wanted to give you everything back
god, how I wanted you to feel the same
but sometimes love isn't enough,
sometimes we are weaker than shame.

plus, I can't even blame you no more;
you warned me, didn't ya? many times!
I'm just so stubborn, I didn't wanna hear
I was after the next mental pleasure
I also yearned for the next fear
- in case you didn't notice
I've got 'daddy issues', you see,
so now I can't help wondering
who my fifth 'victim'-- oops, my bad --
I mean, who my fifth 'daddy' is gonna be.

(thank you, anyways
you were the only one
who at least tried
to take good care of me.)