Damaged Poem by Anita Khelawan

Our past relationship riddles me
Our possible future excites me
Our present day doesn't ignite me
I longed for familiarity
Forsaking what we've done to us
Whatyou've done to me
(What I've done to you)
Why can't we just let each other be
Is it because we became family
Or is it because of our yearning energy
Or our sustainable sexual chemistry

With you I feel at home
Without you I'm ok with being alone
Last time we tried this relationship
I nagged, I accused and you couldn't commit

I broke the straw that never existed
I got me a new interest
I hid him from you
Because if I would have made you aware
I'd stop dead in my tracks
And today, you and I would still be here
I am passionate about you… about us

If you decide never to talk to me
I'll respect that
I've learned to gather myself
Even the ones where
I desperately want to be with you in my head

Our reconnection lasted close to three weeks
Just reminiscing, comparing and contrasting
Unspoken words of truth
We've become a silent generation
Limited in expressing our sexual desire
Our wants for each other

As we sit and talk about our current reality
Our summary of our past rears itself
Resonating words stood out
Our past was toxic covered by a sexual bandage
Yet, we were functioning in bondage

Our futuristic word is Damage
The damage is too far gone
To ever consider amity and reform

I am a silent generation
Burning to say I love you
But I can as the sounds dissolves
Before it could be heard by someone
I'm not frivolous with my feelings
It's just I can't contain it anymore

I love you.. I Love you… I LOVE YOU!
I really wished I could tell you

Being with you these pass few days
There is nothing to compare
But I understand just because I love you
It doesn't mean we'll end up together
So I'll take satisfaction that happiness exists somewhere out there.

14/12/2020
Copyright Anita Khelawan