Dark Days Poem by Petra Creffield

Dark Days

So tired of this
Pain after pain
Then some more pain for dessert
Will it ever end?
I used to think of suicide
Still do on days like today
But I know im not really willing to do it
Leave my kids with my blood on their hands
Won't do that to them
So that’s no answer.
Another get-out-clause dream
Was the padded cell
Somewhere free of all this weight
But my sister went in one last year
Still had to come out
Rebuild her life
So that’s no answer either
There is no way out
So have to find the way through
Through all this darkness inside
Until I find my light again
Could go to the doctors
Get some happy pills
To dull the pain
But I know it wont make it go away
Just put a muffler on it
Making it even harder to find its source
It’s beginning and stem its flow
It’s way back when I was 1 2 or 3
Could get stoned or pissed
Temporary relief
Only until the morning though
Then I could have a hangover on top
Maybe find a man
Climb in his bed
Find some comfort there
But then he or I will leave
And its back to here again
Wondering who I am
And when the pain will end.

Petra Creffield 2005