Dear Veronica Poem by Andrus Cassian

How can something be amazing and terrifying at the same time?
I have a wife and three kids
no, wait that's my imagination running wild
I have a girlfriend, my world of a month now
but I've chased her for years of 6
She's been twice out of my life
and I couldn't let her escape thrice
Veronica, my life
Veronica, will you be my wife
A question for another day
Veronica
I have many different names for her
I call my her my queen, pearl of the stars
my Konstantine
Veronica Augustine, my Konstantine
my Konstantine
I could snowball an essay
on how beautiful she is
the way her hair cascades like a crescent moon
falling across her right eye
shading the dark side of her hazel eyes
She's a total dream to me
I reached to the sky
plucked her from her home in the stars
You could say she's my wish come true
yet I sit here on my floor of ocean blue
yet I sit here, several shades of grey
Terrified
I sit here, a silent implosion of fear, of excitement
This rush is so real
I'm...I'm...scared for my life
for my pride
How, at such a young, was I ready to give myself up in handcuffs
to the presence of love
give myself up freely to marriage
unafraid of anything
full of courage and bravery
Now I've grown up from the little boy with dreams
I'm corruptable, corrupted, broken at the seams
look at me, I'm just scared of everything
Marriage, yes I believe I'm ready
but I'd be lying if I said I'm going in with all of me
Afraid to let go
I'm afraid I'm going with leeches attached to my arms
I'm going all in with bits and pieces missing
for I blew away my brain
when I fell flat on my face for two years straight
And for four years straight
I passed out pieces of my heart to every rusted pearl
for I thought I could make them shine
bring them back to life
So while they were back to beauty
in return I develop scars, I develop rust
Now look at me
I'm no saint, no angel
I'm not a boy, not a man
I'm not magnificent
I'm only a dream to Veronica
Veronica, what do you see in me
Veronica Augustine, my Konstantine
what on earth do you see in me
Sarah, she still has a piece of me
Juliet, she still carries a piece of me
but Konstantine, you have all of me
so don't fret, just listen please
I was born a child
headphones were upon my ears when I came out
I lived a fighter
for I fight everyday of my life
to live in a world I tried to take myself out of
since those disasters in 5th grade
and time after time
I've taken my own life in poetry
poetic suicide
But Veronica
Dear Veronica
You have single handedly resurrected me
yet still in my new found sense of happy
I'm still wrapped in misery
I'm miserable at best
Veronica
Veronica Augustine
My dear Veronica
My Konstantine
Please break the haze of the cloud that hinders me
Miles separate us
but you're within my dreams
and all I want to do is lay beside you
bury my hands in your hair
while staring into the galaxies trapped in your eyes
whisper I love you for the ride
as your chin finds its place upon my chest
where the 'S' should be
though there is only an 'N'
I'm nothing, nobody, no one
I'm just a dot compared to the sun
compared to the Son
yet Veronica, dear Veronica
You place me on a throne far off the ground
please bring me back down
I'm afraid of heights
I'm afraid you'll get tired of me so easily
These years of six I wouldn't trade for the world
but why would you want to spend an eternity
with a lost narcissist in the shape of a lonely boy
You claim I'm perfect
but I could mail you a list of my flaws
Are you getting what I'm saying
I'm scared to death
that the throne you place upon me
will torch and burn right under me
will collapse under my fragile weight
by the daggers and stones I could throw into your house of brick
at your mansion of happiness
I'm corruptable, corrupted, I'm miserable at best
Veronica
Veronica Augustine, Konstantine
my queen, my pearl of the stars
I love you more than my perch
at my park
I am the moon and you are my star
I just don't want you to be so wrapped up in me
and then I find the weak spot under your heart
take an arrow and stab my way in
Marriage, how was I ready to give myself to you
in handcuffs, in freedom
so ready, so willingly
Now I'm a man, a transformation of the boy I used to be
and I'm just justly justifiably scared of everything
for how can everything be amazing
and utterly
and unfortunately
and undoubtedly
terrifying
Utterly Terrifying
Veronica
Veronica Augustine
Veronica, my Konstantine....
if I asked you today
would you still marry me...