Dearest Patricia Poem by Justin Reamer

Dearest Patricia,

I know we have our troubles
In our own lives,
And I can understand the
Troubles you may be facing now.
I just want you to know
That God loves you no matter what.
So, here I go to tell you something.

But let me pause a minute
And tell you that you do
Not have to read this latter
Or adhere to the things
I am about to tell you,
But God once again told me
To write this message,
But with even more candour
Than the last.

My sister,
I know not what troubles you,
Whether you have a
Borderline personality,
Bipolar disorder,
Or anything like that,
But you are so mercurial
That you make it difficult
For me toe be your friend.
Now, I am not saying I hate you,
For I hold nothing against you,
But everything you do to me
Hurts like arrows shot from many bowstrings
Into my own flesh,
Piercing every nerve in my body.
This was the fourth time this has happened.

Ever since I first met you,
You maintained this idea
That I am a stalker, a fool,
And an idiot.
The first time you turned
Your back on me was that first impression
You had,
And when I greeted you,
You looked at me imperiously,
As if I were following you,
Chasing you,
Or going to rape you in some preposterous way.
The next time was at Abandon
When I was in the same vicinity as you were,
Doing my own thing,
Minding my own business,
When you turned on me.
It subsided after Christmas Break because
Of the message I sent you.
The third time was the week
After Christmas Break
When I would greet you and
You would become tense,
And then it subsided when I
Was openly honest with you.
The fourth time was when I was sitting with you
This Saturday,
Enjoying the company of our mutual friends,
When you started glaring at me,
Making me a little uncomfortable.
Yet your hatred continues to grow,
No matter what happens.

My sister, it honestly hurts
When you do all of these things.
Every time I take a step,
You judge me;
Every time I move,
You judge me;
Every time I speak,
You judge me;
Every time I think,
You judge me;
Every time I breathe,
You judge me;
Every time my heart beats,
You judge me.
Every time I try to talk to you,
You treat me like the biggest fool
Who has ever lived on the planet,
And every time you judge me,
It is like a chain going into
My flesh with spikes attached to it,
Slowly, painfully,
Skewering my flesh and
Piercing my bone,
Going across my entire body,
From limb to limb,
Until it finally reaches my throat
And I can breathe no more.
You probably understand the illustration,
But why do you judge me so harshly?
Why do you mistreat me?
Why are you so malevolent
And cruel toward me?
What have I done to deserve your bigotry?
I know I am autistic,
But I can read body language,
And it hurts.

I know you are a devout Christian,
And I praise you for that,
But does God want you to judge people?
In Matthew 7, Jesus says,
'Do not judge, or you too will
Be judged. For in the same way
You judge others, you will be judged,
And with the same measure you use,
It will be measured to you.
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust
In your brother's eye and pay
No attention to the plank in your own eye?
How can you say to your brother,
'Let me take the speck out of your eye, '
When all the time there is a plank in your eye?
You hypocrite, first take the
Plank out of your own eye, and then you will
See clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.'
(Matthew 7: 1-5, NIV)
Jesus tells us we should not judge others,
But why do you judge me so harshly?
If you love Jesus,
Why do wrong Him
By constantly hurting one of His own beloved people?
Is love not better than judgement?
Love cannot exist where there is prejudice;
It can only exist where there is peace.
Yet, don't you want peace?
I don't understand.
I am His servant,
And He wanted me to tell
You the truth today,
So that you may know how
I feel constantly.

My sister, I hold nothing against you,
And no matter what you do to me,
I still love you,
For you are my sister in Christ.
I forgive you constantly,
No matter what,
Even when your love for me
(In the philia)
Is conditional.
I pray to God all the time
That He will forgive you,
Watch over you, guide you,
Inspire you,
And protect you from evil.

I want you to do well in life,
And I know you are
A wonderful woman,
Even though you make
Friendship difficult for me,
No matter how hard I try,
And amity goes down the drain.
I forgive you,
And may God open your heart,
And may He bless your soul.
May God bless you in all that you do.

Sincerely,

Justin Reamer