Depression Poem by don't ever ask

Depression



i am as depressed as i can get
everything lately,
has been building up
to this frustated climax i am in.
my life, my problems
my work consumes me
my distractions dont' allow me,
to face reality
i don't face it,
btu sometimes
when i hit play on my playlist
i listen that special depressing song
that song i can completely relate to
that song about misery and loneliness
i'm afraid that reality might make me stop
and break me into so many little pieces.
if that happens,
im afraid i won't be able mend myself,
and if that happens,
the pices of my eyes would be crying,
blood tears,
my mouth would be crying,
a sorrrowful moan,
and my body would lie there,
lonely and rejected,
cold as it has remained
for so many years.
i cant remember the last time,
i had no worries,
when i just could go to sleep
and dream of nothing,
no preocupations,
no worries no problems,
when my head didin't hurt,
and my heart didin't ache.
i can't remember when was the last time,
i could wake up at ease,
having dreamed about fantasies,
having no sense of myself.
However, now...
I'm just a shadow,
pieces,
pieces that will break into pieces,
and then, break into pieces,
until it comes a time when i can't pick myself up,
when i won't be able to glue myself together,
when the pieces are small,
smaller than mere ashes,
and they would sspread in the wind,
forgotten by time.
i don't know if that will happen,
i don't know what will give me happiness,
what will rest my soul to peace,
i'm so sfraid of the future,
so afraid of this moment.
i can't continue pretending,
i pretend i enjoy myself,
when i'm really crying
yet, i don't pretend as much i guess,
or do i?
am i really so fake?
i hate reality,
i hate my life,
but even of that i'm unsure...
how can i face reality?
how can i if don't know what i am,
who i am.
how can i stare at myself in the mirror,
when i'm ignorant of those eyes, ?
that mouth, that hair and that glare,
those eyes that stare, they keep on staring,
just staring,
what am i staring at?
i don't who i am,
i am ignorant of who everyone is,
of what my general ache is.
yet i dream and i hope,
i dream of a rainy night,
under the moonlight might,
staring eyes,
absolute silence, absolute perfection,
no, it's not to come,
why do i still care?
this questions are eating me alive,
from the inside out,
do i really need the answers?
i guess not, but yet i'm afraid,
i fear the inside has already been consumed,
slowly, question by question,
fear by fear,
bringing hollowness and a void,
a shell holding nothing.
i'm afraid that the outside,
is likely to meet a similar future,
soon, very soon,
explosion,
calamity,
depression.

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Sarah Loves 14 August 2007

nice. a 10. ~Marlayna Anne

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