Dilemma Poem by Jean Eugene Guan

Troubled, yes, I'm troubled.
I don't know what has come to me.
The world around had finally paved in.
And it made me see the things I longed to see.

But what it is that I am feeling.
Unexpectedly different from what I have thought.
The distant evil that's menacing, emancipating.
Yearning for me to answer its call, I thought.

I thought it would be good, really good.
That I can finally taste the sweetness of the earth.
But never have I imagined the temptations,
Yes, they are what this is worth.

I can spill out my thoughts
By my heart will never be empty.
For this is just a simple reflection,
Of a mind, that is low and dreary.

I know that this is no good for me,
But what pushes me around to let my hidden desires?
I find the thirst for the worst and I despair.
I hinder the thoughts yet it again transpires.

Yes, I am evil and I think I had turned this way.
I have changed much, but I don't like to stay.
I fear for what will happen that I will lose control.
And find myself floating down that six-foot hole.