Down Memory Lane Poem by Felix Otiende

*Down memory lane*
Sometimes I wish you didn't exist
I wish August 14th was never a day
Sometimes I wish I wasn't drunk
Then you wouldn't exist

Sometimes I wish my heart was harsh and cold
I wish I didn't know kindness
Then I wouldn't have shown you that
I wouldn't have cared enough
To watch you ruin the one
For whom my heart lives

I look back in silence
Watch the way I lost
Feel the pain of saying a goodbye I never meant
Curse the losses I took
Just because I didn't want you to die in pain

It was a mistake
A one night mistake
Yet like a devil's pull
It roller coastered even more mistakes
She became clingy
Hurt the one whom I loved
But cause of her last stage cancer
I watched her pick that path
I silently stood
Watching destruction rock my world

I could say I felt sorry
But how?
When I hurt my own heart for her
I recall lying in bed for hours
Haunted with dreams of you, my Vivian
What's she doing?
How's the baby?
Is she smiling?
Did she eat?

I would take my phone
Dial then drop the call
My mind would taunt
For what reason do you want to call?
Who are you to call?
The pain tormented me

I'll admit
When she died
I felt a little free
I thought I had a chance now
To make right all I had done wrong
I watch my son's eyes stare at me
With hope and love
And I remember yours my love
Once a time they stared the same way
Once a time they looked at me the same way

I wish I had a chance
To erase the wounds I placed on your heart
To love you like you deserve
To make you happy again
To give you the very best
I wish I had a chance
To be yours all over again
I truly wish
I always love you Vivian.
© Fely g