Duality Poem by Conner Portalski

The duality of my mind is simple yet complex. I feel as if im dying and thriving, living without fear yet terrified of my life. Oppressed by anxiety and thrilled with the unknown. I wish to break the mold but stay in my lane, to stay within the safety of society but to venture into the danger of isolation. I wish to feel the pain of the physical rather the scorn of emotion. I satisfy the intangible needs of others yet i silently starve my own. My voice is heard and yet i weep with phantom tears. The physical grows strong while the intangible weakens. I dream of rescue as i integrate into despair. I smile warmly yet i am frostbitten. I am genuine to others yet i self dilute. I dream of grandger without drive. I have talent but no skill. I am pained yet complacent. Self tortured yet filled with exticy. I rule my mind yet restrained to monotony. I self love yet am disgusted. I need to break the cycle yet i don't comply. In reality perhaps i hate myself. I warp my mind into self love. I give myself the sensation of being full but i am forever empty. I am joyful for others but never myself. I wish to live but yearn for eternal rest.

The duality of my mind is simple yet complex. I love my life. I strive for happiness. I wish to change. I slowly morph. As if i was a caterpillar i shall emerge strong and charismatic. I enjoy the comfort of repetitious joy. It is small but endless. Seeing the smiles of others fills me to overflowing delight. I am strong enough to banish my spectors yet i don't. My mind is haunted by the good and bad. My trama shows my growth and chains to my past. I befriend my demons because i wish not to hurt them. I know they drag me down but i cannot bear to part with the sweet whispers they serenade when i am lulled to sleep. To let go is to fragment myself. I don't know how to get help. Talking petrifes me. I silently bear the weight of my mind as if i am atlas. I am satisfied with my situation. I can say i am happy with the small joys in my life to which i am grateful for. My life is more good than bad. I have much love from friends and family but very little self love. I have changed and improved my self but little has changed. I cope with escaping my reality into self dulusion. It works for me. I am happy and sad at the same time. This is the duality of my mind, both simple and complex.