Fat Girls Like... Poem by Bryan Corbett

when the time came
to tell my son about
the birds and the bees
I wanted to share with him
all of the secrets
that my own father had
neglected to tell me
and that I had to learn
the hard way
(possibly pun intended)

first, I covered the basics:
this is this, and
that is that, and
this goes in that

then I moved on to the specifics:
crazy girls are the most fun in bed
Catholic girls get pregnant
just by sitting in your car
blondes might have more fun,
but only bring brunettes
home to meet mom
as for redheads: you're on your own
nobody's ever figured them out

but whatever you do,
learn from my mistakes, and
don't discount the Fat Girls
pay attention when I'm talking to you, boy
you might even want to take notes here:

Fat Girls...
are really and truly
the only girls that like
to give head
in this, they are inspired
beyond words
they will show you things
you never could have imagined possible
they aren't easily shamed
they're aggressive
yet submissive
they're appreciative
and willing
very willing, indeed
to do just about
anything to please
you

'But, dad, mom is skinny.'

'Yes, son. Mom is skinny. Too damn skinny,
if you ask me. She's also the most sane woman
I ever met, a bit too red-headed
and very, very Catholic. No offense.'

'None taken. I think.'
'Good. Any questions? '
'Not really.'
'Go ahead, son. Don't be embarrassed.'
'Um, well, Aunt Teresa is Fat.'
'Really, son? I hadn't noticed.'