February 13th. Poem by Neil Gray

Not sure how to start this
or what I should say.

Been trying for 13 years now
to explain to you
where it all went wrong
and I've yet to
come up with a
suitable answer.

I could blame it on
my lifestyle at the time.

Say that the drink and the drugs
had too much
of a hold on me
but let's face it,
that wasn't the only reason.

I could blame Sally.

Say that she never wanted me
to be a part of your life,
that she forced me away
from you
but that would
just be a lie.

Maybe it was that
neither her family or mine
had anything but
the utmost contempt
for me,
a hatred that was born
from the mess I had
made of my life.

But that would just be
the easy way out.

The fact is that
I thought that I was doing
what was right at the time

For you and for me.

I was no Father figure.

I was out of control.

And it just seemed
to make sense.

Rather an absent memory
than a dead one.

But even though that's
the truth it
still rings
hollow.

I don't blame you if you hate me.

I would.

But I just want you to know
that there isn't a day
that rolls past that
I don't think of you
and all that I've missed.

So Happy 13th kiddo
and never doubt

That I'll
always

Love
You.