Unmortored brick wall,
ivy pushing block from
crack, there we hid and
played.
Our secret fort,
twice invaded.
Once by a girl.
Once by jealousy.
Two decades pass and the
fortress remains, the invasions
destroying our esprit de corps.
I fold our hand sewn felt flag
and lay it upon your grave,
formally as my military
training has taught me.
I salute you properly,
as I would another soldier.
While you waited back here,
did I hope I would simply die?
7. This has details and images, so it works more. It could use even stronger details and images, but it's a good start. Side note: proper spelling is 'unmortared.'
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
You lose me at the start but then the rest drew me in. I just think the start needs to be redone, to make it a perfect 10.