For Steve Smith - The Aussie Cricket Captain Poem by Keith Shorrocks Johnson

Somewhere the Good Old Aussie Battler
Became the Smart-Arse Little Prince:

As up himself as a pipe pig at a stop-cock
Or a rooted rat up a drain full of jam rags
Or a trouser snake in a concrete jock-strap
Or a one-eyed wombat in Aunt Ethel's corsets
Or a pissed newt in a barrel of Bundaburg cane toads

Smithie:

Your head looks like a chewed mango
Or your pet lamb's dildoed dock-sucker
Or a totalled roo on a bull-bar in Menindee.
If my dog had a face like yours
I'd shave its balls and walk it backwards

Mate:

I hope your chooks turn into galahs and cream your budgie smugglers
I hope your gran's moggie gets chugalugged by a carpet python
I hope the red back in the dunny gets lucky for the night
I hope your Uncle Norm gets bundled by a drag queen from Woolamaloo
I hope your pet monkey slips its chain and rogers its hernia

But whatever you do, you Toe-Rag of a Foul-mouthed Sledging Bastard
Don't stop playing cricket!