Forever Goodnight. Poem by Alina Javed Siddiqui

And I was just wondering how your fever and health was?
And had to think if with you father you had again fought?

I'm sorry to make it all like this,
And it was sudden and this is it.

Though I miss you but I had to end it,
Though I still love you, I don't wanna change it.

And thinking sometimes brings tears in my eyes,
What it would've felt like to have you beside?

I don't hate them, they have their significant others,
But I can't look at myself in the mirror, it smothers,

Me, to suddenly see myself with my own eyes,
I don't seem beautiful anymore without your sight.

It's hard, no hatred, I can't dislike you no matter what,
I'm the one on fault and this guilt is eating me off.

No, I didn't lie I do need your presence,
But I had to do this and I broke my promise.

I never told you reasons, I didn't want you to get mad,
I kept it all inside and turned into someone you consider bad.

But I still care and want to know how it's going on,
And it might make me cry if you are already moving on.

I still cry not finding reasons to hate you,
I'm weak and I just can't get over you.

I try so bad and daily before sleeping,
There's this thought in my mind of how you're doing?

And as I'm about to eat, another thought brings tears to my eyes,
Wondering if you even ate as I'm filling my appetite.

And I'm crying as I write this down,
Cause there's no you, in these tears I'll drown.

I lost this and I let go of your hand,
Be happy, I'm miserable and I fell.

I fell hard and it's just like you said,
No matter what I do, I'll be living sad.

'Cause you're in my mind, haunting me in dark and daylight,
I guess I'll just wait for the time when I'd say Forever Goodnight.