Garden Partay! Poem by Edward Iacona

Garden Partay! ! !
Edward Iacona

I know that names of products
May often be ostentatious.
But, I never thought that packs of seeds
Could also be so salacious.

Varieties mentioned here are real.
And, this is what I think;
Many gardeners and farmers
Must enjoy an earthy wink....

To make my point I'll put these names
In quotes or maybe in italic.
And lay aside the obvious view that
Some veggies look quite phallic.

There is no doubt that corn
Is known to be nutritious
But what can one say about a corn
That is named 'Bi-Licious'.

A common trait I'd like to share
From Puberty to my coffin,
Is a link to a certain corn that's
Called 'Early and Often'.

No homophobia amongst the stalks,
Or none that I have seen,
When one considers there are types
Called 'Ruby' and 'Silver Queen'.

There is an egotistical cucumber
Whose statistics really rate.
I shall envy it's bragging rights
As to being a 'Straight Eight'

Virile thoughts of cucumbers
May easily coincide.
When human males at morning
May deal with some 'Early Pride'

There is a carrot called 'Big Top'
But, a cliche I must repeat...
That size is not a factor so
There's another called 'Short and Sweet'

Male prowess proclaims that men
Should try to please and perhaps outlast her.
So their cucumber of choice should be
The one that's called 'Bushmaster'.

When Popeye eats his spinach his
Rescues of Olive Oyl are less demanding'
But, if he really wants to impress her
There is a type called 'Long Standing'

Ah! the popular pumpkin
Famed for Halloween and pie
But the name 'Jack O' Lantern'
May be more than meets the eye.

The apostrophe after the O
Stands for 'of' I know that's true
But, considering the seed names I've seen
Do they mean one 'F' or two?