Taking its name from the 1944 film The Gaslight,
gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which false
Information is continuously presented to a survivor in order to
make them doubt their memory, perception,
and sanity.
You know you've been gas lit, when decades later,
shadows in your apartment flicker after the sky is baptized in
lightning, and you hear his voice instead of thunder telling you,
"There is no storm."
"Now honey, You don't need to close the windows
That is not water pouring in sheets onto the rooftops,
flooding your bedroom until the mattress weeps under your
weight- It's just an accident!
You probably did it, little girl.
Why are you making such a scene?
It's a quiet night, a leaky bathtub upstairs,
there is nothing to protect yourself or anyone else from, darling
Everyone is happy
Maybe you should try it."
Are you trying hard enough to have some better, more
attractive feelings?
Show me your winner's smile
No, not like that, all bare teeth-
Close your mouth, and pull until it stings.
Who's going to love that gap, yeah?
Who do you think you're fooling with all this sky is falling
bullshit?
Nobody cares!
It's a party, and the sad girl in the darkened room stays sad
her whole life=
Her bottomless sorrow transforms all of the beautiful people
into monsters,
or else just makes them leave-
She only has herself to blame!
You know it's bad when you can't actually remember what he
sounds like the only version of his voice is rooms away,
roaring between the book shelves as he pulls them crashing to
the floor,
and you wonder how it is that he still lives here?
How every creak and rumble in your new apartment belongs to
him somehow?
How you keep waking up feeling guilty for being lazy and such
a mess, even at 7 AM,
Your books still in their boxes, you realize, it isn't him you're
hearing,
but the muscle memory of what he made you feel-
It's not so bad. It's not so bad.
You've got to get up, and get over it
Are you sure you even remember it right?
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem