God? Poem by Jennifer Klaudi

I tend to always hide my feelings and just look up at the ceiling. Everything starts to get more bottled up inside. My heart and mind are ready to explode,
i cant help but cry. Sometimes i wish i could disappear. It all wont go away, especially the fears. Everything is haunting me, i feel like im going insane.
God, do you this this is a game? Everyone says things get better, Does it god? cause this pain feels like its been here forever. My lifehas been built on drugs and alcohol, to drain all my pain and fears away. I dont want to go through this anymore. Did i deserve this? God, what did i do? Im going to fight this,
the thing i call hell. Soon enough it will ring a bell. I just want to smile again.
Ad after all this is over, I know i can. I will try to be as strong as i can be, to show everybody whats underneath, to show them the real me.