God Only Knows, Poem by Soly Nasser

God only knows what happened!
How my knees started to ache out of praying,
How many candles i bought,
And How many burns they got me? .
I hoped, prayed and i wished you...
On every Christmas and every sunday.
To me you were the only flower in a park full of spikes,
I hoped to be your guardian.
God heard me that hour!
Cause one day i found myself wearing this white dress and holding those beautiful white flowers,
But i wished someone had told me that 'flowers could die that soon, and white dresses can also get dirt'
I wish god never heard me,
I should have gone when you told me,
But i sticked... i sticked with you,
I sticked to that last finger you pulled from my hand,
To last look you gaved me on the road
I sticked with that.
It just that Heartaches hurt more than knees!
I wish i prayed for you to find the right way instead of finding me!
I wish i prayed for you to have a girl like you instead of having me!
i wish you shout at me saying 'Go'
And if you haven't changed, I have.
I no longer hesitate,
i... no longer have excuses neither for the scars i have, nor for the ones you got me,
I no longer pray to god for you, i pray to god to save me.
If i ever went to church I'll pray to god that one day you wake up, look at mirror and hate yourself so you can hate me,
I'll pray god that you go to toppest
bridge in the world and fall in an ocean that got no button,
I'll pray you get lost on your road and never find the way back home,
But..god don't listen to that kinds of prays.
God don't kill people, we do
So I'll just wish for a suscide
On every Christmas and every sunday.!