- Greg's Culinary Disas......Triumph! :: Humour Poem by Alessandra Liverani

I needed a funny story and I needed it quite fast
Of a tale plucked from the murky depths of Greg's wild past
I asked his wife, Bronwyn, to give me one or two
But she came up with nothing, what was I to do

I widened the family circle sure that others could help out
But although outside was teeming rain, of stories there was drought
I could not believe that Greg had lived a life so smooth and bland
That never, not even once, had things got out of hand

And then I myself remembered only weeks ago
Of the time Greg was meant to barbeque pork, nice and slow
He had a foolproof method, using technology most advanced
His very special thermometer which removed the element of chance

He thrust it boldly inside this choicest cut of meat
Then sat down on a chair to rest his weary feet
Feeling safe in the knowledge that all he had to do
Was wait for his beeper to make a beep or two

But then his mother's voice disturbed the slumber party
Greggy there's a bit of smoke, coming out of the barbie
Oh Mum don't worry, my thermometer hasn't given an alarm
A little bit of smoke is not going to do any harm

He returned to his restful afternoon nap
Well deserved for such a hardworking chap
Yet again his mother felt compelled to make a statement
Greggy there's now a lot of smoke, no sign of an abatement

Greg checked his trusty beeper through half closed eyes
Don't worry Mum, it's OK, my beeper never lies
He'd barely had the chance to return to the land of nod
When his mother thought it was time for one gigantic prod

Greggy there are flames soaring right up to the roof
Your thermometer isn't working, do you want any more proof
Greg now saw the fire, and his heart started beating faster
He raced over trying to save his possible culinary disaster

A mound of charred substance greeted his hopeful face
And there was no other meat that could be served in its place
Panicking he rang Judith, to head up the salvage operation
Could she turn this blackened lump into a tempting taste sensation

Judith took in the burnt offering, peeling off the outer shell
And cooked it in her weber, making heaven out of hell
Then Greg told his diners proudly, what they were eating from their fork
Was his very special recipe, of twice cooked pork