Guilt Because I Am Mental Poem by alyssa meerts

Who are you when you can't even be?
I am sitting here in silence scratching every inch of my body because of guilt.
'What guilt? ' you may ask.

Guilt because I eat.
I feel fat all the time.

Guilt because I didn't eat.
I don't want to disappoint you.

Guilt because I let someone touch me.
Why can't I just say no?

Guilt because of the mess I leave behind in everyone.
Why can't I ever have a healthy relationship with anyone?

Guilt because I can't be someone.
There are ten people inside me but I can never be anyone.

Guilt because I shared my story.
I don't want to be a burden.

Guilt because I didn't share my story.
I am scared of help.

Guilt because you saw my scars and wounds.
You must think I am a psychopath.

Guilt because the secret suicide attempt didn't work.
Already planning a new one.

So to cope with the guilt
I scratch myself
I cry in the shower
I slam my head into walls or trees
I hit myself
I bite myself
I over-exercise
I cut myself
I overdose

until.

I'm.

dead.