Haunting 101 Poem by Patti Masterman

There's a ghost lives right up above
A non paying renter, on floor number two
And I know that if push came to shove
He'd scare off the paying tenants too

He doesn't scare me with his noisy thumps
His moaning, and his high pitched blather
His carrying on just reminds, he's a chump
A real stinky loser son-of-a-cadaver

Two can play that game; he thinks he excels
And that nobody else can tell he's around
He needs to go back to the bowels of hell
He's failed his degree; now he's only a clown

I've arranged for a ghost friend to come to town
She's sexy and spirited; just the thing
And I know, she's gonna shake him down
Till his goblins and gremlins begin to sing

He'll be singing for his supper before I get through
He'll be running for cover, and I don't mean his sheet
He'll completely forget even how to say, 'boo'-
And then I'll throw his parlor tricks out in the street.

He can go somewhere else to ply his trade
I don't keep rooms here for out-of-luck taunters
He needs to go back to remedial school
If he wants to become a respectable haunter.