'Have To' Poem by Laurel Lujan

I don’t want to cry, but I have to cry
I don’t want to laugh, but I have to laugh
I don’t want to love, but I have to love

Sniffling, face wet with salty tears
Smiling till my face hurts
Saying I love you it’s not for real

Thinking about it feels like a slap
A slap to the face, getting lost though there’s a map
It’s hard to read, never feeling smug

I have to cry but I don’t want to cry
I have to laugh but I don’t want to laugh
I have to love but I don’t want to love