'Having Failed To Get Mugged Or Killed Poem by Margaret Alice

Having returned from Home Affairs
and sprayed my office with peanuts
because of the poisonous breakfast
of apricot jam and bacon on toast
I ate along the way (made me hungry)
and not a single criminal was even
kind enough or interested to accost
me – I cannot report one brush with
a criminal element!

Having failed in getting mugged
or killed and in dying of poisonous
foodstuffs I’m back in my office
driving the ox-wagon called my PC,
- almost as slow as the Internet

The only way to find joy in our modern
world is by desiring to enlarge the
male member and since I don’t have one
it is a sad offer - or wishing for an
abortion by a Dr Wonder offering his
services on a lamppost with magic herbs
that will also keep criminals away

But since they won’t even bother me
so I too can have a story to tell
what is the use? – I’d better tackle
the mountain of filing glaring at me,
it is so unnerving to see the drifts
of snow-white stacks of paper covering
the floor since this is really scary,
I take out my Bible again hoping the
warnings of fire and brimstone will
force me to tackle the unholy mess
in my office but maybe I should just
lower my head on to my ox-wagon PC
and die in peace…