Katerina Val

Head Howl - Poem by Katerina Val

Not everyone can get
the things running down on your little head
not every single person can see
the things twirling on your twisted head
the things you can pull out of your hectic fantasy

No one has the right
or the right instinct
to testify
the things that happened in your head last night

No one can explain the reason you said you had to fight
should we decry the candles for burning so bright and gloomy?
was it the burning light?
or the trembling grin of a shadow that stayed still?
of a shadow that got to obsess your rusty dark old mind?

Was it you fighting as a mighty knight?
or were you that poor crippler creeping and begging
for some candles to light on
for some hysteria to speak on
for some pain to go on
for some function to keep it on
for some twisted function your head protects
in order for you to not lose the way
in your reverted battle
and the reaper stands above your head

You are the only thing among the wronged
that is sentenced any way

But there are still things that you can gain
even if your mind after all that time, stays the same
I say, you can still find things in the loss
you can still gain time in the loss
or feelings you ignored
an instant howl that once consoled
your artificial mind

If you are still able to escape
throw behind you the little stones
that will lead you back, ‘cause it's you, you will return

On the side of the warms you crawl
on the side of the ravens you howl
on the side of the crocodiles you cry
on the side of the losers you still give up
and on the side of the winners, you put off the fight

For there is a big howl in your mind
for there is an uncontrolled hole in your mind
trying to follow it with your eye
but your eye blinks too many times
to be able to find some space to breathe
before the light
to catch the lonely inconsolable glimpses of your twisted mind

for your pupil has so much expanded in the dark
that you are used to show already way too much
for your endless fight has given the opponent the right key
to open the night
the night that you have inside
that grows older and still stronger than you
the gloomy night that keeps you behind
and you smile for this retardation
for you are not ready
to howl, enough

So howl!
What are you expecting of, howl…
But I keep seeing with a tear and a sigh in my soul
that you are not even ready to crawl
for if you want to gain, you should lose again
for if you want to stay, you should fall again
and crawl, crawl in the dirt
in the dust where you spit
the things you say you do not like to be
the parts that made you the person from whom you cannot get away
you do not get to see
you should crawl first
and fall
in the parts of you, you dropped and chopped
behind where is the one truth you left to call
the only truth that stands you
the only glimpse that will destroy your fight
and will prepare you for the coveted howl

You are the only howl in your head
that never found the time to run away

Is it the howl you deny?
or is it the sense of freedom
you shall taste
haunting you
hidden behind the crawl, keeping you behind?

You are dying
fight and howl
or lose the fight, howl and crawl
exhausted from what you did not do
exhausted from the howl
you never got to fool

Your head might,
might fly
when you are ready to give up.
Free as you already are
you will never be ready to give up.
Exhausted from the howl that creates you.

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Poem Submitted: Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Poem Edited: Wednesday, March 7, 2012

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