Hearing But Not Listening Poem by Miss Tee

Feeling completely on my own
as rebellion is encouraged against peace of mind.
Whispered assaults from all side increase their intensity with a might.
Shattered defenses presented as you are slowly crushing my spirit,
caging a bird in need to fly.
Every time the wings spread, ready for its chance, words..oh, hurtful words is what you utter.

Pressure is building up; a dam ready to burst.
So sensitive I am...
Hearing those words; hating the tone...
Telling myself 'It's only words'

My heart and mind is now closed to you.
Harsh judgment has curtailed thoughts to let you in.
I've tried to explain to you what I feel and think but it seems that you are
hearing but not listening to a word I say.
So tell me, what can I do?

It's a weight on my mind, won't leave me alone.
I am not ready to take the risk to move away; put distance in the way.
So here I state: what do you want me to do?
What can I do to remain sane?

I am torn between the two because I sure do love you.
Should I ignore and pretend I'm okay with your attitude?
Or, open my mouth, put a flicker to the flame.
It's clear that should this situation continue, I'll soon be gone...
away from this pain you cause me.
Your silent treatment is not what I need in my life.

I am not ready to go back to trying to live up to what you want me to be.
I've tried and realized long ago that while it'll leave you satisfied,
I'll won't let me grow happy.
It pains me when you declare:
'You have no heart, you don't even think of me.'
So now, I'm just plain tired to put up a front.
The core of my heart is exhausted, trying to struggle for strength...
because the fact that I care leaves me vulnerable to all the hurtful words you say...

Now trying to utter statements I've learned to keep unspoken for way too long, repressed, and blocked in my head.
Hard to change habits that I've maintained, and governed for so long.
so I'm still wondering why it's this way when I've always tried to show you that my heart is in the right place.
Sharing my thoughts with you has not been successful..
You are suffocating me because while outside I smile, I am crying inside.
Loving you isn't easy,
it leaves me scars and wounds I am not sure I can heal.
So please accept that I refuse, I am simply saying 'no'.
I just need you to let me fly.