Heavy Poem by Ms Thang

how can i accept his love when i can't love myself
how can i talk to him when i'm too afraid to ask for help?
as i write this i wonder if this is where the problem lies?
am i speaking of my husband or looking to the skies?
Lord can you help me? Help me to believe?
That I can trust in you unconditionally
When i'm looking for love?
that everything i'll ever need i can look to you up above?
Please easy my heart. Ease my mind.
Mend my pain and shame this time
Lord can you see and feel the pain I'm in
I need to know, is it me? or is it him?
Lord i know i can't change him nor can i make him see.
All of the pain and feelings of sorrow that dwell in me.
Lord i want to live and feel safe as husband and wife
not look over my shoulder for the rest of my life.
Lord speak to my heart show me the way
i don't want to struggle through yet another day.
My heart is heavy, my soul is cold.
I konw that through Christ I should feel bold.
I should feel loved - admired and special
I know that as i connect this paper and pencil
but lord i feel weak and sorry for myself
so down on both knees i plead for your help.
Please lord show me the way out
show me what your promises are truley about.
lord i need your help and i need yoru strength.
Because right now, my rope's out of length.
And i'm dangling at the end so angry and scared
feeling so hurt and lonely out there.
so please take my hand and give me a sign
tha tthis pain i feel will soon be alright.
im so confused and afraid and angry too
now more than ever - i really need you.
Light my path - guide my way.
When i'm out of ideas and words to say
Stuck in a tunnel of distrust.
an emotional vocano ready to erupt.
Soothe me lord grant your peace upon me
ease my heart with reminders of things heavenly.
Lord be the father i never had.
hold me in your arms as would have a dad.
you are my father on whom i can depend.
and you provide the healing allowing me to mend.
satan's attacks raining down on me.
softly whispering lies so deceptively.
satan i rebuke you in jesus' name
christs death on the cross releases my shame.
no guilt no remorse or feelings of fear
i can do all things as i hold christ so near
i balance on his grace and rely on his strength
he always prevails even when I have nothing left.
lord as i test the boundaries between insanity and faith
i ask you to guide and lead me to to someplace safe.
some days i can't deal with feeling any of it at all
i feel so broken, insignificant and so small
so lord empower me to triumph over this pain
All this I ask you Lord, in Jesus' name.

Amen