Catherine Taylor

Her Heart - Poem by Catherine Taylor

Her heart was whole and unbroken
Loved in all that she did
Oh, how she loved her life
Everything was perfect and comfortable
A smile always found its way to her lips

But that all faded with time
Her heart changed
With the meds they fed her
They unchained her emotions
And brought upon a hurricane
Her heart hurt with every beat
Her head was no longer capable of thought
And slowly she lost who she was
Her heart shattered
Thousands of pieces
Scattered in her mind
She didn’t know where to start
And nothing could be done to fix her
Doctor after doctor tried patch her up
Yet none could see
That her emotions had perished
Along with her heart, they had shattered
So day after day she played a dangerous game
To ensure her freedom
The doctors longed to take away
Each emotion she felt was faked
For she in her mind they no longer existed
Each word that left her mouth
Was carefully contemplated
Forced to remember every lie
That had ever left her lips
For should she make single mistake
It would cost her far more than she was willing to give
And still the doctors tried to fix her
They tried to force her to feel
For they were unable to see
What it was she had lost
And how her heart only grew colder
And her thoughts only became darker

With each year that past
Her eyes grew duller
And her mind grew sharper and crueler
Then the emotions she could fake
Yet never feel lead her to a knife
The blade pressed against her skin
The promise of pain
Too sweet for her mind to resist
Yet as the blood fell to the floor
She could feel nothing
Her heart was shattered
Her emotions were gone
There was nothing left to feel
Her mind whirled around consumed by darkness
And she became something far more dangerous than a human
But in the midst of the storm that was her mind
A light shone in the guise of a boy
He held her without ever saying a word
For he had somehow he managed
To see what they had all failed to comprehend
And he did what she thought was impossible
He made her feel
Her made her shattered, broken heart, beat once more
But she had gone years without emotions
They were a foreign concept to her
Unknown and frightening
Still he held her tight
As if to say it would be alright
And still she felt
It left her ragged and beaten
And at times it overwhelmed her
Yet he was her strength
He was the reason
Her heart was still beating
Then the darkness in her heart would set in
She second-guessed herself
It was easier not to feel
A heart was too fragile
She feared it would be broken
Before it had a chance to heal
Before she regained all feeling
Her fears grew and he wasn’t there
Her light was gone
Even worse her strength had disappeared

Something so far deep inside of her
She didn’t even recognize
Forced her to stand on her own
Facing her fears she stood
Barely feeling as the few she had recovered
Were no longer rooted to a person
Her heart hurt for no reason she could comprehend
Emotions were painful
And her mind grew to be chaotic
Every thing made less and less sense
But then once more she found someone
This time light shone from inside a girl
Compassionate in everything she did
Her light was beautiful and kind
And taught her what that meant
Her light treated her with care
Never questioning why she was lacking
This time her light never faded
Her light was always there
To heal or to help

Years had passed since then
And her light was still there
But still she struggled to regain her emotions
Yet this time she knew
That she wished to feel
The process was far from painless
And at times she still felt the darkness
That crept in her mind
And it scared her
She was no longer able to deny that
And her heart still beat despite its battered status
Her game had changed
Day by day she felt a little more
She no longer saw doctors
And now her freedom was secure
Her emotions became less and less faked
No more lies left those lips
She had no need to be so cautious
But old habits die hard
And it wasn’t till that night
She realized just how far she had come
Her control was slipping as she watched
A girl she barely knew break down
Emotions consumed her for a minute
Rage, love, compassion, grief
They blocked out her mind
Leaving only her instincts
Wrapping the girl up in her arms
She whispered words of comfort
Promises to help the girl stand again
The girl she held was fragile and broken
Not so unlike herself not so long ago
Her heart was almost whole
She felt it fill her chest
The weight of it no longer hurt her
Only a pleasant dull ache remained
She knew her heart wasn’t whole
It would never be
She accepted her fate

Her heart wasn’t whole but it had healed
It had scars and bruises
And missing pieces that were lost forever
And tears would always be there
For it had suffered and it had shattered once upon a time

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Poem Submitted: Sunday, February 9, 2014

Poem Edited: Monday, February 10, 2014

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