Him... Poem by Carmen loves

He’s such a nerd
I cant help but smile
when he does that voice
I have to laugh

I love when he’s shy that smile he has
or how when he doesn’t want to answer a question
he rephrases it in your favour
the little details he thinks go unnoticed
are the ones I pay attention to … I’m so focused

I love the random nights we planned
to tims and his basement
They were so perfect
we both didn’t want them to end

he showed me his art
I was in awe, who knew he was so talented?
just another point to add to his list
that doesn’t seem to want to finish

he’s insecure
I don’t know why
I keep reminding him that he has no flaws
except he doesn’t seem to give himself credit
for how amazing he truly is

I seem to notice I smile a lot for no reason
its him that I’m thinking about
and the memories we can’t forget

the smile soon stops
because I hit reality
I’m 4000 miles away
and he’s not here

But what about the summer we planned
the late night outings
And the morning walks to tims
where did they go?

We were suppose to sneak out
and have that cute moment on the field
Like he pictured it
looking at the stars not saying a word
but both knowing exactly what we were thinking

I can’t help but wonder why
i can’t have those nights back
the ones that seemed to fly by
why can’t time just stop so I can catch up

I miss him so much
I’m told there’s no other option
“we have to do this for the family”
why do sacrifices have to be hard

I cant help but cry when I think about our last night
How it got ruined
the ride home was the worst,
knowing that was the last time I’d see him before I left

it was cut short because of some issues
i cant seem to forget
it could have been more special
we could have had that kiss we planned

the biggest question I have I have till this day
is why did I have to meet him?
leaving wouldn’t be as hard
I wouldn’t spend all night dwelling in the past

time to put my fake smile on
where I pretend everything’s alright
I’m a strong girl
“I love where I am”
things couldn’t be more perfect
this is a lie I have to face
wipe those tears
and hide those fears