Shilesha Johnson

Looking for that special someone had become apart of the distance
It wasn’t suppose to be apart of my present
One day I was just going about my business
And then suddenly I get this blesson
...

I stay up and I wait
For the phone call you promised me at eight
But I look at the clock and it’s getting late
I sit patiently
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She was five when her sister left
And with her gone she felt like she experienced death
She was too young to even know what that meant
Apart for seven months is what they spent
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I know that in 08
I made many mistakes
So many things I wish I could take back
But this is a new year so their is no looking back
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You out of my life was definitely a good thing
I felt like I was committed to being your friend
The only difference is there was no ring
I feel like you and I were just always on a different page
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I feel pain for the girl in me who was forced to grow up before her time
For the girl that has kept every hurt and secrete trapped inside
For the girl that never knew wat love was really like
cus those who sed they did was only telling her a lie
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i wanna cry but i can't
i want you to understand
that i love you
and that will always hold true
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Behind my eyes is so much experience
So much traveling that’s been done
My eyes have witnessed so much
Way before it should have
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YOU hurt MY sister
I hurt you
I'll show YOU what it's like to be abused
she has been through too much
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days pass...
weeks go by...
then months...
its been 24 months
...

Born into this world feeling rejected
feeling as if she was another rejection
feeling alone and competely out of place
had to make a name in this world
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you didn't have to give me a better life
you didn't have to come to my rescue
but you did and you healed the hurt I had inside
it was a fight,
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I'm waiting to understand
what it is that I did
waiting to understand
why you even had kids
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you may not love me like u did
you may not ever want another kiss
i may not any longer be the one you want to still build a life with
but let me tell you this...
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I try to be the bigger person but I can only take so much
Inside;
my heart’s filled with lots of love
You have to do me dirty for me to truly say I hate you
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I havent seen you in so long it hurts
you used to be the little one that got on my nerves
the little one that followed me around
but the little one that never kept me down
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What hurts me inside isn't so much what I've gone through
It's more the fact that those who made me cry
were the ones I never expected to
The one's I've trusted with everything I had
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I know that I have to move ahead
I also knwo that I can only do that with you gone
and despite what you have said
we both know that you've done wrong
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When I heard what I did about you
All I could do
Was hope that it wasn’t true
And though part of me believed it
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im glad that i went through what i had
im glad that i got hurt so bad in my past
because i know that i am able to get through this
even though i've been strugglin through it
...