Hope? Poem by MyIner Agony

I was never mad.... never sad....til I look back.....and I see my life....now I feel proud that I'm not dead.....but curious of long I'm gonna hold on.... I Live for me, My dead brother, My unappreciated Mother, My desire for heaven....I would say I'm fine but I wonder....if I was the people that make me feel.... Confused..... would I care about Serenity......Maybe I wouldn't.....I know those that care will worry but trust me I'm strong..... because I'm still here.....the counselor's....The constant Therapy Sessions.....The psych ward visits, The friends, The Teachers, The churches, The Prayers, The Bible, The Fake Smiles, The Music, The Grief Camps, The Singing, The Dancing, .., .The Common Coping Tools..... Hasn't helped, Not saying I don't appreciate those Things....But what is the secret to hope and happiness.....Love? No tried that Support? Tried that too.....I Guess I'll never Know....I will continue to fight through the pain....My Tears.... I've been through so much....That I try to hurt over it....but It doesn't hurt anymore....but it stings....but soon I won't feel I won't be able to cry I'll just sigh and laugh because I'm use to the constant quick gunshots....just because you can't see my wounds doesn't mean I'm healed.... I'm just hoping....I think......