Hope...Faith...Believe....Lier...Fake.... Poem by If I say Im lost, Would you come find me

i feel as if the harder i try to hind....
the harder they search,
the harder they push for an answer thats not there,
the harder the hits are,
the hard i fight the pain,
and the harder i fall everytime and steady get up with a broken smile
and still stand up and take another and another.
I feel as the more i push them away,
the more they dig for a painful way to hurt me more,
the more they fight to make the memories stay,
the more they scream and yell about the non-important,
the more i feel like im cagged and will never be free.
i feel like the more i try to hind the pain with that mask or broken smile,
they still seem to think they know everything,
they still know which words hurt the most and how to use them carefully,
they still know how to bring up every painful memories like it was just yesterday.
i feel like if i give faith hope or even believe,
they destroy it,
they engulf every part and leave misery behind,
they steal it away and i can never find it even when i search for days,
months,
years,
they just rip it from my already broken heart and beat me with the thoughs,
that the beautiful day of leaving will never come,
it will only stay an dream that i wake up and cry because its like a nightmare
im tired of carring the weights.
im tired of the constant heart break.
im tired of the constant failures,
yet i believe there true victories.
im tired of the memories hinding my future.
im tired of having no were to hind or go to save myself when i need too.
im tired of the feeling of never being happy,
or having to put up my wall.
im tired of being told its almost over and it never is.
im tired of having people tell me i understand,
and its ok.
its not ok and you defently dont understand.
im tired of being lied to,
and told talking will always help.
it hasnt helped me then and isnt helping me now.
so the walls i put up years ago and built to protect me from the daily hits.
their being rebuilt and redone.
im done with the pain.
im dont with the liers and the fakes pretending to care and worry.
im done with the constant falls that i take and have to get back up and pretend im fine,
even when i want to rip someone apart and scream.
im done with this and them.
im goin to gather the last bit if hope and faith i have,
and go to sleep and believe when i wake up that it will all change.
everything will be better.
everything will be ok.
everything will be happy again.
ill just hold on to the little bit if faith i have left.