Hospitals. - Poem by MckennaElsie levitt
The rooms are stale and the sheets sting.
The windows creak and the floors squeak,
It reeks of fear and reminds you of everything and anything
It racks your brain until you can't think.
Visiting hours are short and brief.
On your death bed waiting, thinking, hopes sinking.
All you want is for them to see how much you've loved them.
How much you need them.
Every time your heart leaps, the machines beep and make sure you're steady.
But what if you aren't ready?
To take that leap in the crisis of your life.
A leap of faith as they like to say.
My fear subsides when I realize that I'm becoming nothing more than a broken soul…
There's nothing to take if you're reaping an empty home.
I sat there, watching days pass bleakly,
I tried to keep my strength, but people kept calling me a weakling.
So I stayed in bed.
One day a 7 year old boy came in…
He was sick.
He was sicker than me, and I was hard to beat.
One day over a thick gray sludge of a breakfast,
I asked him if he was okay.
He always stayed up late, and cried the days away.
He said: No, I'm sick. My fucking brain won't work. I'm probably dying.
I always heard the doctors say he was alright,
But now I knew they were lying.
The next few weeks, after my release, I learned to live my life with gratitude.
Every time I was pissed off with the world, I sucked back the attitude.
And I'd think of him.
How does a little boy know to use a curse to accentuate?
If we had the power to obliterate all illness, would we use it?
Us as humans can't comprehend what it's like to face the end
Until we face it…
And even then we shy away from it.
Cause we just can't fathom being strong.
We feel as if any form of change is wrong.
Just like death.
Back in the hospital once again.
Left to wonder where the little boy went.
For when I returned he was no longer there,
All I can pray for is that he got a chance to breathe fresh air…
That's something we take for granted.
So, as I sit here and the machines beep,
My heart leaps as I stir in the night.
And the crying makes my eyes sting.
I always have the ability to think about better things.
End my life without thinking too bitterly.
That's the greatest gift a hospital can give;
A new chance, a brand new perspective.
So don't waste it.
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