I Am Poem by karen choi

To me,
i am depressed. I don't know what to do. I am confused.
I can't find my values.
I can't look at myself and be happy.
I can't feel.

I resort to caffeine, hoping that staying up,
will stop myself from thinking,
about who I am, who i have become,
for i cannnot feel the rights and wrongs
anymore.

I drown myself in homework,
hoping that the result will be pleasant,
yet it fails time after time.
I tried to prove a point,
to prove my worth,
to prove who I am,
and,
it fails time after time.

My hands shake from over dosing on caffeine,
but there's a smile on my face,
'I DID IT',
is what i said to myself.

My mind is vague,
i can't figure myself out,
I cried many times,
just burst out crying.

My happiness feels fake,
and it feels fake.
I don't want to pretend,
but i don't want to drag you into my problems.

I feel inferior around you,
because i want to compete with you.
I can't help to lust,
for i am who i am.
You deemed me to be stupid,
and i will prove you wrong.

Because one day,
i will shine brighter then you,
because i am,
after all,
who I AM.