I Am Me And This Is Why Poem by Daniel Richards

Everything I ever had and everything I ever owned,
All my many mistakes was lost with my soul,
But then I began that arduous grow to be a man now…. so,
From when a little one, to who I am now young but feeling too old,
Let me give you a glimpse of a life a malevolent haunting show….

As a child I never knew, I’d have to fight and hide just too make it through
Violence is so real when it’s living in your front room, daddy beating on mummy
Everything I ever had everything I ever owned everything I had ever known, died the day I saw that show,

Shadows then cast themselves over my time, day after day they came down, year after year so many hit the ground, so I found myself walking aimlessly round and round, anything to avoid going home, everything I ever had everything I ever known, it was all gone now, but I had to stand, be counted, be a man somehow

By age 11, I was lost all alone inside my mind I had to make myself a home for the pain around me was freezing me to the bone, I was trying to be free end my misery,
But being so young I could never of known the road I was about to go, I did the best with what I had just didn’t realise my soul was up for grabs

By age 13 with no new clothes just a poor boy, ignored by the many accepted by the few, just so lonely knowing the few reside in the mind of you, screaming freedom, please free me id scream, freedom from my misery, this was the un answered call which turned my heart cold, I felt I had to leave roll up my sleeves but at any age the streets they freeze

At 15, I was happy again briefly, my brothers birth brought glory, but haunting; yet another younger brother to shelter and cover, the weight grew but with my little boy brother everything I ever had everything I ever owned came back home, held him once before it all fell down apart torn to shreds and it too, hit the ground,

A little boy so ill a hole in his heart which matched the hole in my mind, I thought together just maybe we’d fix each other a balance we could heal, but with all the poisons and potions they gave to his little soul, was intent to kill as brain damage soon showed its ills

Anger doesn’t touch how I felt about this rage oh no, blood thirst yes, my little angel will never know what its like to grow, run around dance jump or thrill, he died the second February morn and that straw broke my back I snapped, I coulda done more shoulda done more, filling my core with the vilest of scorn

On abridge one night the breaking water below my feet, crash of the waves drew me ever near, calling out to me do you wanna be free, as I lifted up from the edge I was grabbed back by a man I can not recollect, running from him at the speed of sound wrapped me like a blanket from the hustle the bustle, the noise, the ground

They say the pain will never last
They say in time it will pass
And what remain s are good memories,
Memproies which for me at 18 where stolen from me

At 16 I didn’t care I wanted to be free to fail, as so far follow my trail and its all you see, all i touch dies diseased, racing mind with haunting imagery, the baby sized coffin flowing to the fires, all I see is he melting with heat, becoming ashes a contempry burial, I just wanna see him again and say I love im sorry my little brother my friend I should been there it should of been me that found the mend

I hit a turning point at 16 I was a raging bull fight after fight, night after night
Sirens chasing me coppers trying to cuff me always and again I’d get away
I lost the feel to care there was nothing in this world now from which I was scared,
So with a racing mind I chased for what was left, the army and the chance of fighting death himself, freedom

Everything I have and everything owned
Packed in one bag, so off I went now, excelled at my skill I could kill now,
Camaraderie I had found but still my mind raced and still I felt on the outside looking in, even the officers showed more concern then those at home
Apparently I fight to ferociously, killing is a skill no a thrill they’d tell me, so a trip to see the psychiatry team, lead me no where I just had high excitability with negativity

At17 I fell in training, follow my trail and you’ll find fail after fail, so no surprise,
In hospital with the hospitality of surgery, my right knee was twisted torn and shattered, discharged with an even more broken mentality,

Silver lining to my dark cloud I finally found love with the greatest of our world’s girls,
My Layla, my baby,
Then bang and bang again chest then caved in, attacked from behind,
For a moment I lost my life but forever it seems my memories are stuck lost in that moment of time, I revived with a fight to bring those to there demise for attacking me, but from the urge I broke free, freedom

Now 26, my mind riddled with holes im trying to make a living by being bold, money holds no wanting from me, I wanna be free fly free like the birds be the leaves on that dying tree, quench a dying childs thirst, build a well and many homes I wanna be free

But I have found to reach freedom, freedoms must be exchanged, starving children….feed them, the poor dying…. house and help heal them, true love from those you have helped is freedom your freedom my freedom there freedom OUR freedom

In a world of mental clarity freedom can be found
Free the freedom within others and it opens within you, freedom, most never see
True freedom is to be free open both eyes and see the suffering help and be free don’t ignore and complain about unrest socially

Freedom is what is meant to be
My Layla my baby, il love and cherish eternally
freedom