I Am The Very Model Poem by Stanley Cooper

I am the very model of a young octogenarian
I’ve been known to read more books than any old librarian
I speak the English language and a scosci bit of Japanese
I eat in fancy restaurants where the waiters know I tip with ease

When I play chess with masters, I checkmate with the best of them
I jest with jesting jesters and jest better than the rest of them
I’m a golfing pro who’s noted best for all my many holes in one
A very entertaining bloke am I with expertise in making fun


My aging eyes need prodding so I wear some stylish goggles
They’re helpful when I peer at ladies with my avaricious ogles
I’ve no religiosity, I’m not even Presbyterian
Musically I’ve been likened to a very young Wagnerian

I’m known to be that young-ish guy, fair and unassailable
I’ll be wherever needed, I’m readily available
Why I pull for those oppressed is certainly no mystery
I’m the ageless octogenarian who’ll be read about in history

I’m not a star in Hollywood, but surely I’m not starry-eyed
Children follow me around like I’m Robert Browning Piper-Pied
When it comes to politics, I’m the number one contrarian
I’m the very contrary model of a young octogenarian