I Can't Even Poem by Wei Chao

Newly opened branch office,
Hired me and her as local
By a global engineering company.

She's administrator,
I'm entry engineer,
The others are expatriates.

She's fifteen years elder,
Like my old sister,
No one around, we speak our dialect.

She's very dutiful,
She helps all expats,
She said to me, 'I need this job.'

She has two teenage sons,
Hubby is an artist,
Who doesn't have good stable income.

Family day party,
Her whole family came,
That was the first time I've seen them.

Elder boy's autistic,
The younger boy doesn't like him,
She still has to look after the elder one.

I belong to a church,
She said, 'I want to join, '
I asked her, 'come to the congregation.'

She showed up with her elder son,
I introduced her to my parents,
My girlfriend and other members.

They continue to show up
Without hubby and younger son,
They're polite at the congregations.

I don't mention tithe,
Knowing she has a tight budget,
Hubby and their younger son never come.

Quickly, one year has passed,
Her Bible knowledge
Is not improving, but they're polite.

She doesn't show up to work,
Later, the manager's email comes,
She'll be absent for bereavement leave.

Manager and a few of us
Attend her mum's funeral,
Cremation, peaceful, died of old age.

She's back in office,
Lunch break at the pantry,
While having lunch, she shows up for lunch.

Pantry is very quiet,
Only two of us there,
I don't know how to break silence.

She looks sad and mournful,
Out of the blue, she says,
'I'm still young; I can take care of him (my elder son) .'

She makes an eye contact,
Then she continues,
'But I'm getting older, when I die, who will look after him? '

I don't know what to say to her,
I really don't, I really don't.
We both go into silence... quiet.

A colleague comes to fetch water.
He asks us 'How's your lunch? '
Suddenly, I answer, 'I can't even.'

The guy gives me a strange look,
I suddenly realize, I misspoke,
I then correct it, 'it's just everyday lunch.'