I Don't Wear Blue Dresses Anymore Poem by Casey Renee Kiser / snail viXen

Your final days approach
and I cringe at such a lie,
knowing you will forever reign in my bones
How could I forget the passive-
aggressive punishment for embracing emotion

Your final days approach
and my crown made it back to my head
So, you'll no longer reign in my mind
As a child, I couldn't ignore the devastation-
station, the cold bench where you watched

me wait. You watched and smirked
as I waited for the train, for you
to come to your senses and just love me
for me. I thought I could switch your tracks
You shrunk my heart yet, it came back bigger

Your final days approach
You never dreamed I'd balance
the scales; too busy tending my nightmare
garden and poker-facing the moon
Thousands of blue dresses boring the sun

Your final days approach
Blue wears my yawn at your encore
and my shoulders learn to ease
Panic falls down a hole and uncovers
the rabbit that envies my twitch

Played the part of my self-hate dealer:
YOU were sure I'd go on
feeding that party monster of sadness
and hoping I'd never break character,
just like You.