I Had To Be Okay Poem by Shaquay Spencer

I had to be okay with you slipping through my fingers
Disappearing into thin air
Just like at the hands of the magician
Except this isn't a magic trick
And I am no naive audience
And this is merely reality
Where one day you can mean so much
And the next it can be as if you and I
Didn't exist in the same space or time
I had to be okay with the thoughts of never
Hearing your voice again
Of never hearing those crazy nicknames
That I blushed so fondly over
As if my ears were deaf of your name
I had to be okay with never setting eyes on
You again
As if I never saw that beautiful face with the beautiful smile
As if I was blind and that face never entered my memory
As if I had my subconscious scrubbed away every thought that pertained to the subject of you
I had to be okay with walking away from something that I thought held so much potential
As if it never had potential to grow flourish and blossom
And pretend that I was okay and that I wasn't breaking down like the Twin Towers on 9/11
Like I wasn't exploding and coming undone like the effects of the bomb on the city of Hiroshima
Instead I was holding it together like the Statue of Liberty
Standing proud in all my glory
Like I will stand there forever
Looking so well polished and refined
But inside I feel like New Orleans August 10,2005
And all that can sense tell me to come to my senses
It wasn't that deep
This was no puddle my dear
But rather the Mississippi River
Because the vibes ran deeper that the Pacific and Atlantic combine
And only my dear friend time can heal this one
What you fail to understand that although my skin wasn't touched
He ran a line down to the epitome of my soul
And there remains from his touch a scar
That won't heal my friend
So yes I still cry out for a soul
That doesn't cry back
And the worst part isn't the heart break
It was the cutting of the connection
Dead silence on the other end
And learning that I'll never hear that voice
Cry out my name once more
So excuse me my friends
I am in mourning
And my tears shed continually
I didn't get the chance for good bye
It wasn't a sign in the sky
To prepare me for this death
But I have to be okay now
I've got to go to the grave now
And say goodbye to a long lost friend
And walk away and somehow all that within me
Find the strength to be okay
So can you finally understand
That it was more than a boy
It was more than a phone call
It was more than a laugh
More than a text
Nothing physical
But yet I still shudder
At the name and the thought
But I have to be okay with people giving off vibes that you can't take back
I had to be okay with people setting connections for traps
I had to be okay with people unintentionally touch souls