I Hate Feeling So Much! Poem by Louise Tredoux

Emotions are a terrible mess; I don’t want
emotions in my life, I want to freeze my
feelings, I want to be oblivious to everything;
I want to be a robot, I want to die emotionally
like most people have done – I don’t want
to feel any more!

Rudi was called away for a marine emergency,
colleagues usurping him and I want him with me
here; I feel insanely jealous, first he wrote a report
all alone; then he goes off and leaves me with a
heart full of burning feelings! What does he
want me to do when I long for him so?

Why doesn’t he send them all away and simply
stay with me? I’m not in the mood for other people,
I want him and him alone, I want to cuddle with him
and hear his voice, even his remonstrance because
I’m careless with cutting machines – I hate being at
the mercy of feelings, I hate human needs

I hate being so weak, I want to hold my head proudly
and do my own thing, I refuse to show him how much
it hurts when he is angry with me, when he goes away,
I hate feeling so much!