I Cannot Lose Him, Please Understand Poem by Louise Tredoux

I don’t want to open my eyes, I don’t want
to face the light, I don’t want to go through
this again, I nearly lost Rudi and I can’t be-
lieve it, he is my hero, my beloved, my best
friend - and he nearly died, I can’t believe
that harm came so near, I can’t accept that
he could have been lost, I am scared of a
world where Rudi’s not safe, where blood-
poisoning became a threat, where even
gangrene was mentioned, I have started
praying for him, always used to believe that
his innate goodness would keep him safe,
now I’m setting up prayers for him

Concentrating on sending my requests to all
kinds of consciousness and all powers to guard
him, focusing all my trust in this one precondition
that Rudi, my sweetheart, be safe at all times –
I’m scared of accepting his safety, scared that it
will trigger powers against him, I don’t want to do
anything – I heard Juliette whispering - she explained
to Werner why I loved Rudi so, I discovered how
much my she cared for me, I’m so blessed, scared
of acknowledging anything too much, scared of
attracting the attention of evil powers and forces

Went to hospital, I was scared of rejoicing, watched
Rudi’s face closely, he was smiling, I couldn’t believe
it and started crying, I’m so relieved, Rudi said he was
delighted to see us, thanked us all and promised me he
would return, I can see he will be all-right, I don’t want to
lose him, please understand, I CANNOT lose him,
all powers and forces of goodness and love...